


Blood Relations

by StormyWrites



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack, Drabble, F/M, M/M, Multi, nsfw mentions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 14:53:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29473527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormyWrites/pseuds/StormyWrites
Summary: I really have no explanation for this.Just snarky banter with Tsukishima with a hint of Akiteru x reader
Relationships: Tsukishima Akiteru/Reader, Tsukishima Kei/Reader
Kudos: 13





	Blood Relations

Walking home with Kei was a daily thing at this point. Originally, it was simply an awkward walk in the same direction after club was over, but now the two of you could be found bantering loudly on the sidewalk.

“Sorry, but I don’t take advice from people short enough to suck Satan’s ball sack.”

“You don’t take advice from  _ anyone _ cause your ego’s bigger than the fucking Tokyo tower.” You roll your eyes at the stubborn blonde. He simply scoffed at your words. “I’m just saying, you can’t sit here and bitch about volleyball try-hards when your ass does the bare minimum. They’re probably just trying to make up for your absolute lack of ability.”

Tsukishima shot you a withering glare. “ _ My  _ lack of ability? Y/N, I am a whole 6’2” of middle blocker. I don’t think you understand how much height  _ actually _ plays into volleyball ability. Here, let me spell it out for you-”

“Oh shut it.” You cut him off before he could explain the sport in painfully simple detail. “I get it, you’re tall and apparently that makes up for your lack of skill.”

Kei smirked. “See now you’re getting it through that pea brain of yours.”

The building aggravation this man was stacking on top of you was getting to be too much. “Shut the fuck up Kei or I swear to god I’ll end your bloodline.” You snapped, pointing a very non-threatening finger at the taller man.

Tsukishima simply looked down at you with a smug look on his face, as if he’d won the argument. “Aww, threatening me with violence shorty? How… cute.”

That’s it. That was the last straw. You were going to pull out all the stops and hit him where it hurt most. “Don’t even test me Kei. I  _ know _ you’ll never have a girlfriend once you get over your internalized homophobia. Which means your brother will be your family’s only hope of passing on the family name. And if you keep this shit up, I  _ will _ seduce the fuck out of him. I’ll seduce him so hard you’ll have to witness  _ excessive _ PDA. We’ll be so in love, it’ll make your own relationship look like a pathetic excuse for a friendship. And then I will proceed to never have children with your brother. Don’t get me wrong, we’ll fuck. We’ll fuck so much you’ll be hearing it every night through the walls and even in your dreams. But there will be no babies only wild kinky sex.”

Tsukishima had to take a fucking moment to process the absolute slander that came out of your mouth. But after your spiel, his immediate instinct was to throw a rebuttal even if it was weak. “Bold of you to assume that you will ever be successful in seducing my brother.”

“You wanna take that bet Kei? Huh? You really wanna take that bet? Cause if you lose, I will not hesitate to notify you  _ every single time I peg your brother _ .”

“....I Hate You So Much.”

“That's what I thought you bottom bitch.” 


End file.
